Regularity

I've been aching for some regularity in our schedule. Well, I'm okay with not having a routine yet--Timothy is only 5 months old and has been dealing with colds and incredible growth and all that. I know my expectations can't be too high.

Of course, you have to be careful what you wish for. My desire for regularity has been met somewhat--Timothy has chosen the lovely time of 5:00 to fill his diaper--and boy, can he fill it. So, he starts the day off early, and he also starts the day off still tired. This leads to some serious challenges with naptime, for once he reaches the point anywhere past 'tired', we need to figure out how to get him to sleep. Not easy. But, we're working on it. Days like yesterday make me bask in my success and the enjoyment of my happy little boy. Days like today make me want to put a pillow over my head and cry right along with him.

I know we'll get there. But it'll be easier to remember that once I can start getting some sleep of my own.

Night time noises

The picture of this tree was taken on October 16th. Five days later, there was not one leaf left on the tree. That's what a hard rain will do in mid-autumn.

It seems like we've had a lot of wildlife around the house recently. For the last couple weeks every evening/night we go outside for some reason, we startle off some deer. I awoke last week to more corn damage, so I'm assuming the raccoon was back to finish up what was left.

Last week we saw a lone coyote on a walk and then again in our field. I think this coyote is looking for a pack as we often hear a group of them howling late at night, but this one was out by himself last night--about thirty feet from our house, howling a mournful cry... and waking the whole house (and bringing on an equally mournful cry from our little Tim). He just kept going and going, too. Finally, Shawn went outside to see where he was and told him we heard him and that he could move on now. Lucky for us, he did. I wonder if he'll find some friends--hopefully he isn't trying to join Bella and Tucker!

Vacation

Shawn took last week off--it was good in so many ways. We got to have some really nice family time, Shawn got to see Timothy in a good mood (he hits melt down around 5:30 every evening) and had a chance to do some things he felt like doing (and others that needed to be done). I, in turn, had a break from being solely responsible for Timothy all day. This was a welcome break, but it also allowed me an experience I hadn't had before. After watching my friend's yarn shop for a few hours on Thursday and Friday, I was aching to get home and see my little guy. The sheer delight that crossed his face when he saw me was so special as were the arms stretched out to jump into my arms.

Maybe absence does make the heart fonder. In any case, it sure makes me more appreciative of what I have.

Traditions

We had a potluck on Saturday. It has become an annual autumn event, and it's fun to have this occasion to mark so many changes we and our family and friends have gone through over the past four years. Last year, there were 8 women pregnant. This year, there were 9 children, 6 of whom were under year old. I'm already looking forward to next year when all those little ones will be running around and having fun with each other.

I like traditions like this to look forward to and I think traditions and rituals are a really special part of our lives. I read an article once about the importance of routines and rituals, especially for kids. Daily, yearly, you name it. Like having a cup of tea on a rainy day. Or popcorn and a movie on Saturday night. Anyone have some to share?

Pleasures

My friend Robyn recently listed a series of 'guilty pleasures' that she enjoys and suggested others think of some of their own. I've been thinking about what I could list, but honestly, I can't say they make me feel terribly guilty! So, here's a (short) list:

1. A deep, hot bath.
2. Drinking a cup of tea, curled up in front of the fire with a pageturner of a book.
3. Warm chocolate chip cookies with a glass of cold milk.
4. Watching an episode of Lost.
5. An ice cold martini with olives (who knows when I'll get to enjoy this one again...)
6. Hot chocolate (totally with you on this one, Robyn) made with good bittersweet chocolate, whole milk, and a big dollop of whipped cream.

Runaway

Our dog Tucker likes to run. And run. So, he has been destined to a life on a leash, and he still gets to run (and chase Bella), but it is in a 32 foot diameter circle.

Yesterday, we went on a nice afternoon walk and when we got back home, Tucker decided to play the tackle Bella game, but she doesn't have the same restrictive 32 feet, and she knows just how far she has to be in order to escape Tucker's nip. He is a very strong dog, however, and he managed to tug his leash right out of my hands (remember, I have a 20 pound baby I'm carrying, plus a broken toe...). I figured he'd be tired enough to not keep running, but all of a sudden, his eyes flickered recognition of the fact that he was, in fact, free, and he took off like a bullet, trailing that extendable leash behind him.

Off I trudge after him, but it was such a beautiful afternoon and the colors were so vivid, Timothy and I stopped at the house first to get the camera. As we start out in the direction Tucker had fled, feet sopping wet in the grass, we took our time to take some lovely shots. As we got closer to where Tucker had landed, we started to hear a lonely bark, saying "help me, I'm stuck!" Really, that's what it sounded like. And indeed he was. Bella found him first which gave him some relief, because he is so old now, he couldn't hear me calling him, nor did he see us coming until we were right there.

Timothy and Bellla thought it was great fun. Actually, so did I!

Nature

A friend of mine shared a site with me that sends a short message every day--I really liked the one from yesterday said by Paramahansa Yogananda, a yogi from the early 1900s--"God is the mirror of silence in which all creation is reflected."

When I was little, I thought that when sun rays pierced throught the clouds that heaven was peeking through. I remember finally realizing that it was just the sun shining through the clouds, but now I see that it really is a kind of heaven, just as all the beauty around me is. I just have to remember to take a moment to appreciate it.

Handmade

I love making things. Things that are beautiful and useful at the same time. It takes far longer to make than to buy, but so much of the pleasure comes from the process of creation and not just from ownership or consumption. This little sweater contains approximately 32,000 stitches, but each and every one was knit with so much love for the little one who would one day wear it.

It seems like we have been in a frenzy of consumption in the past several years, and the desire to have as much as possible as quickly as possible outweighs the qualities that make something actually worth having. Hence the success of Walmart. I'd rather spend a summer growing my vegetables, or a month making a sweater, or a week picking local, in-season berries to freeze and jam, or a day mixing and kneading my bread for dinner than one stop at the local box store where you really don't save any money and you have no idea what you're getting.

So, here's to taking the time to enjoy the process.

Cycles

The last couple nights, Timothy has taken a little longer to get to sleep. He talks to himself and then all of a sudden, he starts to cry and then just as quickly finds his thumb and shuts his eyes. And then it starts all over again. It doesn't help to hold him, it doesn't help to stand next to his crib even. He just seems to have to go through this cycle a few times before finally being able to let himself slip into dreamland. It took less time tonight than last night, and hopefully will be even shorter tomorrow.

I find myself going through similar back and forth and around kinds of feelings and in the midst of the highs and lows, I recognize having been there before. And yet it is necessary to experience them anew before being able to move on to whatever comes next. I am just exiting a low which allows me some introspection. Hopefully it won't take me too many cycles to get there either.

Pumpkin Harvest

Your life is always working, whether you know it or not. Sometimes it works to bring you what you want, and sometimes it works to keep you from what you think you want.

Neale Donald Walsch